omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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