i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
