He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize