btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
