I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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