Acid is not a monday night drug
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
