I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
