My first STD was from a foam party
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
