guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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