He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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