it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
