New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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