whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Randomize
