I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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