The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
