You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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