I'm going to jail i love you
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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