I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
