I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
