According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
