You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
