I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
