it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
