gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize