I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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