Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
