the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
