I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
