White coat. Heels.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
