Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
