yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
