I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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