I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize