I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
