I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
