hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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