This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
