Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize