Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize