Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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