You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
