do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
