I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
