so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
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