Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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