P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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