I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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