Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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