Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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