If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
