Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Randomize