She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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