Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
