One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
