It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Less talking, more tequila
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
