Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
