he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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