There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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