And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
