careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
