I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
