Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
