im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
