You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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