Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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