thus making me awesome and them whores
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
