based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
