Porn is love you can see.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
